Satire

Honestly speaking, if I were to list all of the things in the world that annoy me, it would exceed the maximum word limit of blogs. With that said, here are a few of my pet peeves:

• Loud music
• DVD's not in their original cases
• Excessive use of internet lingo ("LOL", "JK", etc)
• Intentionally misspelling words on the internet, esp. through online chats
• People who burp loudly and expect applause
• Crocs
• Chuck Taylor All Star shoes
• People who infringe upon personal space
• Anyone (apart from me) sitting or lying on my bed
• Spelling the word "permanent" wrong
• Girls with too much make up on
• Dying hair
• Excessive hair combing
• Those who fret and continually ask others, "How do I look?"
• Staring
• "Like..."
• Amateur waiters (or restaurants with bad service)
• People talking loudly (on the phone or otherwise) on trains, MRTs
• Doggie doo on the sidewalks
• Spam (on Facebook, email)
• People who don't rinse their dishes but put them in the sink
• Excessive trash talk during games
• Excessive dirty jokes
• Those who swagger/sneer/wear baggy clothing and low riders
• "Gangster" talk
• Talking back to respected authority (by my standards)
• People who are quixotic
• Bad grammar
• High school students using simple English
• High school students using obscure words
• Excessive swearing/cussing
• Smokers who don't take into consideration the concerns of others when they smoke in public
• People who name off long lists of what they hate

The tale of Howie

In the heart of Manhatten lived a kid by the name of Howie. Howie was quite the teenager. He was rowdy, and swore excessively, especially in public settings. He walked with a swagger and a sneer, and his normal attire consisted of what he decided was "gansta"; a large t-shirt untucked over baggy, low riding jeans that fell to his thighs. He was admired by his peers and notorious among the teachers due to his habit of backtalking. His grades suffered because he spent so much time on the internet that his spelling and grammar was slowly deteriorating. He stalked the halls during school hours, and looked quite intimidating indeed. However his stupidity could be taken for one's advantage; Howie's vocabulary consisted of a large bank of choice cuss words, but other than that he had the vocabulary capacity of a 4th grader. All one needed to do was to give a quote that sounded complex, Howie would scrunch his face to think, giving you time to slip away. The years went by like this, and his parents had grown increasingly concerned. One day the school had a fire. One of Howie's friends had left a cigarette sitting in the bathroom; it fell to the ground, lit a piece of toilet paper, and soon enough set the room on fire. The fire alarm rang, and Howie panicked. As he ran towards the door, his pants fell down lower and he tripped. His large shirt wrapped around his face and he could not see. The shirt wrapped around his head and forced the earrings deeper into his ear and his eyes watered from the pain. Cussing wildly, he stood up to start running again. Ignoring the yells coming from the surrounding teachers (mostly because he could not understand them or hear them over his swearing) he ran into a wall and fell down, quite unconscious.